These are my words

I'm hitting the streets with my ill-matic music.
Jakes doing the drums just like i'm used to it.
Two man team, music's dream team

Writing the music of truth...not something green.
I'll never tell a lie...never even on the day I die.

You can not judge a man's work in a day,
but you can judge a man's day by his work and then pay.
So pay me the money that we both know I'm worth.
Don't kick me around and pretend that I'm dirt.

I have traveled down roads that were unclean.
But that doesn't matter I grew up on those streets
They made me, shaped me, and never disobey me.
These are thoughts that I have been portraying lately.
I'mma whiteboy but I am not Mr Slim Shady.

That walter reed was like a really bad play.
Drama wasn't even the half of it.
People misunderstood every little bit.
I passed as a boy quite often.
I had a few fight I boxed in.
Held my own in class and on the court.
Yup you guess it basketball was my sport.
Killing everyone with my 3 point game.
ask me again and I'll tell it the same.

Walter Reed middle school was a difficult time.
That when i knew this world didn't give a dime.
Everything around me seemed against me.
Everything I saw or did just depressed me.
I lost all sence of hope, tought about finding some rope.
i didn't give in, not sure how i held it all in.
Thankfully I did...i grew up fast not much of a kid.

I swear it, it just keeps getting better.
Things like it should getting easier.
A wonderful like shouldn't be so hard to reach.
And here I am getting it while stuck in a seat.
Body disabled, but yet the body is fully capable.
Knee surgery was a day away, still nothing will keep me away.
My goals are locked in target, so I can finally go for it.
Figuring out totals, money and time off work.
No doubt in my mind, I'll make this work.
Can't hold a good man down,
Hell you can't even tackle me to the ground.
I'm too strong, and this idea is too far along.
I can't be stopped, keep going till I reach the top.
Everything is almost completed, with no way to be defeated.

Minutes ticking slowly staring at the clock again,
I want my bed, but sleep can't win.
Reconditioning my body for a new position.
Stay up stay strong it's my own mission.
Very sleepily, I'd love just rest my head for a moment.
Won't give it to emotions, but I own it.
I'm strong enough to press forward.
Won't need another shoulder.
I can rely on myself to come through.
I said I would and that's what I will do.
I never make a false statement.
If I do kick me to the pavement.
These two weeks will really be my worse torment.
But after I complete it, it will be heaven sent.
It's like I set myself up for a difficult battle.

Sitting near the radio playing country music.
Pondering ways on how to get through this.
I'm at a point in my life, where nothing seems right.
And at a lost for words, to help explain the hurt.
Stressing I'm way beyond that now.
Have no idea when life went south.
Seems so difficult to climb out of this whole.
This is the only way to explain how my happiness was stolen.(*continue the "en" into the "in")
In my heart I feel dispirit to find the answers I need.
I consider it important while others could call it greed.
It's my life and I only have one life to live.
But when is too much, too much to give?
Craving a way to make a positive change.
To attempt to stop taking my life in vain.
Stop complaining and make shit happen fast.
Or my future will by pass me too fast.

July twenty seventh two thousand and six.
That's when my mother gave birth to me a few minutes before six.
My birth year was two years after nineteen eighty.
Speaking of (shhh) that's the birth year of my lady.
Back on topic, I was born to a half loving family.
A father that wanted a child so badly, with a mother wishing not have me.
For now many years have pasted since my unplanned birth.
I have struggled to overcome pains while walking the Earth.
Thursday was filled with joy and confusion at the same time.
There's still no way to explain what's felt in my mind.
Friends did their best, while hidden pains hit hard in my chest.
A father gone seven long years, gives life to too many fears.
A mother of my past is back in the future, it hurts.
Twenty fourth birthday, no card or a call for the child of a unplanned birth.
Been this new age for less than a week.
Honestly this depression been on longer than a week.
How come sadness is never seen up a head in plain view?
That way you can expect it, think it over, and plan what to do.
I'm unsure of myself and my dreams.
Only 24, but having nightmares filled with screams.
"what will you do with your life?
Make a QUICK choice, but make sure it's RIGHT!"
There's never enough time in the days ahead.
It's making life difficult to enjoy getting' out of bed.
When did this become such an intense issue?
Why does everyone have this moment we all go through?
This emotion should have been left out.
Hell maybe even sadness, heartbreak, and doubt.

Come on and talk to me, And I will talk to you.
And we can speak on what we go thru.
In our daliy lives, BS and ask why.
Cause it's not easy, you's feel queazy.
Sickening thoughts, feelin low and what not.
But your not alone, get in the zone.

A-yo.
Trust is difficult to come by, I can see some hurt in ya eye.
Can't we talk it out, and try to work this out?
I'll be understanding, you can be witty and uncanny.
That's what I like about you, thoughtful things speak true.
Like East and West, no words spoken say it best.
North and South, what our love is about.
So different, but so similar.
All the guys in the world, I'm the winner.

I know I'm not alone on this subject I'm sure of that shit.
I can't be the only one to get hung over because of this.
I swear my depression forces me to hug the bottle.
And yes I know damn well I really shouldn't aught to.
But for some reason on days just like these.
A few shots in my system I'm easy to please.
Alcohol gathers my emotions and forces me to think.
Just how fucked up my life is and how fast I'll sink.
But as I pound shot and after shot and I become drunk.
Suddenly I brain storm super ways to get out of this funk.
I write a drunken ramble on shit I must do.
In order to forget the life I have been put through.
I have flown through depression, rage, and pleasure.
On how high my life can,should and will measure.
Before life seemed like there was really no reason to be.
Somehow I've managed to find the appetite and purpose to be me.

Numbing my brain with obstacles to overcome.
Seriously looking for a way out, but can't find one.
The pressure I allowed to build up is over flowing.
The burdens I place on my shoulders have no damn ending.
When asked 'why' I haven't got an acceptable response.
Thinkin' will I be remembered for good when I pass on?
Hunch my shoulders forward and put my head down.
Casually walk on while nervously watching the ground.
I feel as if I might be tripped by others feet.
Cause they don't like me and feel the need to mistreat.
Me as a human, instead like an animal.
Honestly the behavior is unfathomable.
What happened to "do to others as you would want done to you?"
Does that old fashion way mean something to only a select few?
It's impossible for struggles to be made private.
I mean honestly there's no need in denying it.
It's seen constantly in the news daily about other's lives.
Seems like everyone in the worlds has it's own spies.
Everyone is out to make a story about the bad.

I will not allow idiots to get to me.
I know my presence makes 'em fidgety.
These bitches gettin' on my nerves.
It's aiight tho gives me a reason to play on words.
Pump out these lyrics like I do push ups.
My rhymes make fuck ups shut up.
I'm constantly blowin' these fish out of water.
Writing, speaking, doing it all like I oughta.
Doing things in hopes of bettering myself.
I'm broker than fuck, but who needs wealth?
Got one girl in my life, my friends are limited.
The words I just spoke do not make me timid.
I'mma hustler allowing nothing and no one to stand in my way.
I know there are few, not many that understand what I say.
Placing large pressure filled boulders on my shoulders.
That forces me push to press on strong.
Won't allow others to hold me down long.

This next spit is a freestyle...I'm just fucking around so it's gonna probably suck balls. You have been warned...and it's gonna be fast. That how my mind is going right now. In case you care.
...
..
.
I hate to interrupt my confinement.
But I do have a lyrical assignment.
To abide by, so it's time to say good bye.
No need to wonder why, I'm just that type of guy.
Spit a freestyle off the tip of my tongue.
Now you wanna know how well I'm hung.
I believe it's no concern to you.
No, I'm not done. I'm not through.
I still have plenty to say to you.
And you and you, and him too.
Going off stupid style on the M-I-C.
I know how much you wish you was me.
Well your in luck, cause I suddenly give a fuck.
I'm currently selling tickets to get in my cranium.
Holy shit! I didn't know all you gave a damn.
Now I have to start giving out a refund for suck-age.
Like Mandy the fucking Moore did.
Yah heard 'bout that? it was in the news.
Your way too busy taken a snooze.
Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I wish I was
But who does...n't This is stupid so fuck it.

I'm off.
(NOTE TO SELF...I suck! LMAO that was fun!)

Written proof in silk words, "I care."
In the mirror you see me standing there.
Working out my body by any means to please you.
No one can kiss you, touch you, love you like I do.
You moan as a question, I answer with a thrust.
You enjoy tenderness as well as rough touch.
A spanking livens up the moment.
Dirty words also help me keep going.
The mirror and bedroom walls lit only by the moonlight.
Your body is like a dessert, what a delicious site.
With each position you let me take you farther along.
Our sex is like a forbidden love song.
Pillow displeases me, drowning out your sex screams.
Pressing quickly and deeply reddens my knees.
The session is nearing it's end due to weakening limbs.
My body aches, breathing rapidly, we finish our sins.
Barely able to move we huddle under a protective cover.
You make me whole and complete me, you're my dream lover.

Written by Jordan May 1st, 2006

Candle light bouncing off the walls.
Kissing slowly, heartbeats rise and falls.
Both bodies caressed with soft, loving hands.
Make time-consuming love, that was our plan.
The taste of deep love melts in every kiss.
My mouth appreciates the curves of your lips.
Run my fingers over your tender breasts and nipples.
Doing this so lightly it's considered skill full.
Still moving my hands downward, pressing on your hips.
Your excited, you can't help biting your lower lip.
I'm on the move down and center.
Just when you think it can't, it gets better.
My fingers enter you and linger for a moment.
Rocking in and out, your wet before you know it.
Your body is saying more than words can express.
You want, I'll give, it's what we expect.
Slower than my fingers, I press my love inside.
These emotions are pure bliss we can not hide.
Sweaty bodies cooled by the outside chill.
Skin against skin, passion lived through thrill.
Grinding and bumping, muscles burning, but it's worth it.
Ecstasy found, nails press deeper into the skin.
Never an end, just a reason to start again.

Written By Jordan May 1st, 2006

With each breath you take your closer to your last.
It's the last one that causes life to flash
In front of your face, winner or loser in the race.
Mind mixed up, flies by faster than a hiccup.
Honestly never knowing praying about where you'll be going.
Hell or Heaven, no need for pretending.
You know about your sins and lies.
Types of Mofuckas I despise.
Walking around like you done nothing wrong.
But realized you lived life all wrong.
Never did what you was told to do.
Now your the one in the end about to get screwed.
Trouble makers, whack ass faker.
Never done shit good for others
What you never hada Father or Mother?
You need guidance, I'll give it while typing this.

Listen up in this verse, because my words get worse.
Meaning, when I'm speaking...I tell the hard truth.
Telling it always like it is I'm no Fluke.
Free styling fast word typing...

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk The beat changed and messed me all up! Oh well.

February third two thousand and six.
My heart been stabbed with a crucifix.
This pain I have endured in less than a week.
Has me feeling help is something to seek.
Feel so lost since January two eight.
Unlucky or is it just plain fate?
A joyful day planned had suddenly turned bad.
Set into bed with my pup I've had since a lad.
Went to bed thinking about my lady's birthday.
Day ended really bad and in the worst way.
Woke up sensing some thing terrible brewing.
Little did I know later there'd be no undoing.
Take my small loved one outside for a rest room break.
Honestly was the start of my complete heart break.
She couldn't even walk at first leading to a hip rub.
Stumbled over too often, scooped up and hugged with love.
Worried out of my mind knowing we needed medical help.
Doing my best to not cry do what's best for her health.
A phone call later and out with vital information.
Rushed out on the way to an urgent destination.
"She's in need of serious 24 hr care."
" Fine, how do I get her there?!"
Traffic was totally against me, but I did my best.
Drove quickly while she was at rest.
In the sun she seemed content in the seat.
I drove so fast didn't miss a beat.
In the office we set testing plans on the table.
The X rays should have been a fable.
I wished it was a lie, but I could only cry.
My baby was so very sick, cancer said oh what a hit.
I knew what had to be done, kill me I'd provide the gun.
I couldn't be selfish not after all she did in my life.
I did the adult thing as much as it hurt to end her life.
Surrounded with two people that loved her so much.
In my arms she laid with only the softest touch.
I kissed her repeatedly and cried so hard.
At least now she up in Heaven's big yard.
Two youthful good hips running and playing like a puppy.
She's with my Father and that means so much to me.

Rest In Peace Princess. Daddy love and miss you so very much.

Waiting for surgery, It never occured to me.
How much effort I've put into all of this
Just how long I took to move past fits
Of rage being angry, hating me it's first stage.
Getting better at dealing with my emotions.
Not letting anything slow down or losing hope when.
My dream it's really not that far off course.
Everything I done so far I was my own source.

I AM THE FUCKING MAN, not cause I stand at the can.
It's because I say that I am.
Some people I'm sure will doubt me.
But eh yo they don't kno shit about me.
How come everyone so quick to judge?
Don't match up get kicked into mud.
Who gives you the right
To start picking a fight.
With the innocent personal.
I know you better than just well.
I'm smarter than you think you are.
The apple don't fall far from the tree.
Can't stand 60 second of being me.

History repeats it's self unless you stop it.
Truth be known truth be told but never forgotten it.
Life goes on just as should because you can.
Mysteries solved and pushed past, understand?
Another year has come face to face in my elbowroom.
This year will not have any unwanted doom.
I got this shit on lock down for sure.
No more madness driving me berserk,!
I got money in my hands and goals planned out.
What the fuck do you know, keep yo bitch ass out.

This is two thousand and mother-fucking six.
Shits done already that would make ya head spin and get sick.
Word up I'm not playing a fucking game with you.
Drama spilled before but never to be wasted again on you.
Serious shit I'm a new man with a new beginning.
I'm in a race to move on and I'm for sure winning!
Life just seem to be gettin better and better.
While others lives getting cold they needs a sweater.
Hey yo hey wow how many know what I'm talking 'bout?
I got money, goals, and shit planned out.
What the fuck is going the hell on?
I'm so happy let's spit out a song!

God damn I must be the fucking man.
Just check out my "I'm sure" stance.
Holding my own standin' on firm ground.
You can tell right now I"m not fuckin around.
No more bull shit and no more damn drama.
2006 shit is gonna be great how about we bet on it?

Yeah yeah what now..

The month of January is upon us.
This could be the month of star dust.
So much can happen in the beginning of the year.
It could make last years troubles disappear.
Make is seem like it never even happened.
Then all could be happy and baskin'
In the after glow and letting anger go.
Be free to let your mind soar.
Let your feet move fast of the floor.

Get to where you wanna be, and make yourself truly happy.
Cause when this month is over, it's a quick jump forward.
Life will move at rapid speeds, to keep up you must hurry.
So listen to me on this day of 2006 January third.
Life what we make of it, so let's not waste any of it.
It's gonna be great I can feel it within.
The air is cool but amazing on your skin.
You and me both should be glad to be alive.
Let's do our best push on and STRIVE!

I visited your grave on Christmas day.
I wrote and read you the letter the same day.
Didn't cry a single tear, but I wanted to.
I miss you so much I don't know what to do.
Nothing seems the same anymore.
When will God finally equal the score?
I had no idea life could be so difficult.
I swear my soul feels so blistering cold.
Why can't I find away out of this rut.
I get these sharp pains in both my guts.
Maybe my feelings will change once I have my own family.
Dad I promise to complete both our dreams, you can count on me.
I can't change the way you was taken from me.
But I can keep up with the lessons you taught me.

Going on our 6th year apart in two months.
It's not easy to pull thru, but I haven't given up.
I have a lady that brightens even the darkest of days.
Lucky to have met her the way I did, life is funny that way.
Maybe when her and I grow a little older.
We can have a son and I'll carry over my shoulder.
Cause you did the best you could do.
I wanna show you gratitude.
So what else should I do?
How can I make you see the things inside of me.
Things I know if you knew you'd be so proud of me.

I'll make the impossible possible cause I know you believed.
I promise to complete all your dreams cause I'm your only seed.
I can not change the time you was taken from me.
But I can keep up with the existence you gave to me.

Love you dad.

Jordan

History changed Wednesday the twenty first.
I was given reason to start spittin this verse.
Just when I swore things would never get better.
A few meaningful words got said from her.
I was offered help when so many turned me down.
And even kicked slash pushed me to the ground.
There's hope now flowing, even with everything else going.
I'm finally getting better set of luck.
I no longer feel so low and stuck.
I had no idea life could feel this good.
This is life the way it should be would be.
For a hard worker things pan out if you let it.
Truly this is a day that I can't and won't forget it.

Not your typical looking hip hop rapper.
Spiked hair not that's an important factor.
But what is, is that I have spits to disengage,
The way I write and speak it's honestly a damn shame.
I have talent, but not many places to show it.
The fact is I'm white did you know it?
At times I can't figure out what to write.
Is there a reason, other than "cause your white?"
There is, it's cause I'm so busy with life.
Holding down a job that works me over 40 hrs.
I think it's a good enough reason to scream louder!

Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
Can you see me?
Do you think like me?
I think we all agree.
You might be just like me.

Hard worker, tear jerker, music lurker.
Got lots of things to say.
But it wasn't always that way.
I used to be afraid to speak my mind.
Need a few beers to help me unwind.
Once I had a decent buzz going.
That when the lyrics started flowin.
It's amazing what alcohol can do for your self esteem.
Helps your mind's clutter become nice and clean.
Things start coming together a whole lot better and faster.
But negativity also comes and sparks up disaster.
When intense feelings float up to the surface.
That you was keeping hidden in dark place.
Start spittin life so real, do I put up a facade?
Everything is written from the heart up until the dot.

***Can't think of more to write...***

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